I was waiting for the bus. It was 8 am but it wasn’t cold. It was still warm in October. I was a little bit depressed. New course at university. That meant not only that holidays had finished but that the way for finishing my degree was shorter. I’m not saying that I didn’t want to finish my degree (Oh! Jesus! No!) But that I didn’t want to grow up, to become an adult. When you are 20, you have some responsibilities to face. However, sometimes you can still act as a teenager. Why not? You’re young and that age must be the best time of your life, or this is what adults keep saying.
The bus arrived. In ten minutes I was there. Kisses and hugs to everybody, and such as every year, we had the same conversation. During the day, I went to all my lessons, without enthusiasm. Nothing could take my breath away, any subject, any work, anybody… till I found him.
‘Hi! My name’s Sean.’
‘Hi… Where are you from?’
‘From New York, the USA’
I could only find Sean in one class, so it became my favourite one. Little by little, I started to get more confidence with him. He became a really important person in my life, even more important than Ben, who had been my boyfriend for three years.
‘How is the course going?’
‘Well…’
‘Are you having problems with some subjects?’
‘With every subject, I must say. Studying, working, and trying to have some social life is very complicated.’
‘Yeah… you’re right. But you have to think that in our subject you are doing it quite well…’
‘Do you think so?’
‘You shouldn’t worry. I’ll help you, you know.’
A month later, Sean told me that there was a free concert of my favourite rock band. I suggested Ben to go together but he did not take it into account.
‘I have lots of work!’
He said that every time I proposed to do something special. Anyway, I decided to go alone. I took the subway to the park the concert was on. I was listening to some music when I realised Sean was in the same train as me.
‘Hey! You’re definitely going to the concert, aren’t you?’
‘Yes!’
‘Why are you alone? Where’s Ben?’
‘He couldn’t come.’
My eyes looked at the dirty floor. I knew Ben had a lot of work from university, but I did too. What was the difference? Was my degree easier? I didn’t think so.
‘I see… Well, I’m going alone too. So, we can go together.’
That was true! I was not aware that Sean was with nobody till he mentioned it. He smiled and that made me shiver.
‘That’s a good idea.’
What I remember from that night was neither the music nor the band. It was him. We sat down in the grass, very far from the concert. We could listen to their music in the distance but we couldn’t see the band. As a consequence, we started talking. I recall that conversation as the most exciting one of my life. I realised that Sean could talk about everything with enthusiasm, and that discovery was very dangerous.
Ben knew that something strange was starting to grow inside me. I couldn’t do anything to help it because he was right. I loved Ben. I really did, and I knew that it would be better for me to stay together with Ben rather than with Sean. However, there was something of Sean that was calling me. Maybe it wasn’t love, maybe it was only some kind of affection. At all costs, that feeling was making me die slowly.
‘What’s the problem?’
‘I don’t know what to do with my life…’
‘Why?’
‘I don’t know if I should keep studying or give up university and marry Ben.’
‘Do you want to marry someone at the age of 20?’
‘I love him.’
I tried to say that looking at Sean’s eyes but I couldn’t. I knew he was looking at me, I could feel his eyes searching mine. But I could not answer because, if I had looked at him, I wouldn’t have said what I had already said.
‘I know.’ He said very seriously. ‘But I wasn’t asking you that’
‘Ok. The thing is that he wants our relationship to be closer, more serious.’
‘I see. But… What do you want?’
‘I…’
What did I want? I wanted to travel. I wanted to know more cultures, to have more knowledge, to become an intelligent person… I didn’t want an ordinary life, I wanted the opposite. Sadly, I knew that Ben was an obstacle for getting all these goals, but wasn’t Sean another one?
One day, I was waiting for Sean in class as always, hoping he could arrive soon, before the class started. People started to come in and suddenly the door was closed. An old man sat on Sean’s chair.
‘The professor Sean P. Johnson is not going to come anymore. He has had to go back to the USA for personal reasons.’
What? What did personal reasons mean?
I started to tremble. Some tears wanted to run down my face but I did everything I could to hide them. However, I couldn’t stand in my sit. I stood up without saying a word so I went out of the class and I started running.
‘Maybe he’s still in his office’
I arrived. I couldn’t breathe. I was preparing my hand to knock on the door when suddenly Sean opened it. He was surprised to see me there, tense and without breathing well.
‘What are you doing here? You have a class!’
‘Why are you leaving?’
He looked at my eyes sadly.
‘Go to class, please.’
‘No!’ I screamed. ‘Why are you leaving?’
‘Ok. Come in.’
His office was full of boxes with papers, student and professors’ photos and other things. He made a gesture inviting me to take a sit and he sat in front of me. He breathed profoundly.
‘I have some personal problems and I have to go to the USA as soon as possible.’
‘What problems? Are you ok?’
‘I am. I cannot say anything else.’
‘But… What am I going to do without you? Are we going to see each other again?’
‘I don’t know… Who knows? I just want you to remember one thing: you are incredible. You are the strongest and the most intelligent person I’ve ever met and I’m sure that you are going to have an amazing life. So, don’t let anybody clip your wings, please.’
‘Ok…’
He gave me that huge he promised me one day and he was gone leaving his office opened. I couldn’t breathe. Those words were flying in my mind. I tried to move my legs to get out of his office but I couldn’t. Suddenly, those tears started to run down my face winning our battle and my knee couldn’t stand my body. I fell over.
I have never forgotten him. Now I can certainly say that I was not in love with him. However, it’s true that there was something that was linking us. Maybe we were born in different ages or maybe we were lovers in another life. Who knows? The thing is that those words changed my life.
***
She became a very important person. She was working in California as a Spanish teacher thanks to a grant she obtained in order to carry out an investigation. A new group was starting that day. She had done this hundred of times but she was still nervous.
‘¡Hola! ¡Buenos días!’
She said her name to the whole class and she asked for the student’s names. She had to be very sure that everybody was in her class. Every student started to say his or her name while she was checking them in the list. In her first lessons, she used to forget that list and many problems had appeared. Students that were mistaken and she had to go to another class, wrong names or surnames… She had to be completely sure that was her group.
‘Me llamo Sean P. Johnson.’
She couldn’t believe it. She checked his name in the list, maybe it was a mistake, she was tired and she had been thinking about him those days… But… His name was on the list. Her pen slipped from her hands. There was a worrying silence in the class. Shall she look at him? She plucked up courage and she looked up. Then, she smiled.
